tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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