i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
