Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
PANTIES FOUND
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