I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
