and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize