It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The ass gains better be worth it
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