I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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