I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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