Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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