How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
