pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
