You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
