well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
