Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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