In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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