It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
