I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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