Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
