If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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