I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
