HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
