Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
