Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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