he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
