btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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