So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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