I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
