So drunk its hurt
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
