Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
