Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
