As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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