I hope mine doesn't look like that
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
