Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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