Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
