Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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