I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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