She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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