look no pants
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
