Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
