Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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