so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
