just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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