I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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