evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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