Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Drunk is not a location!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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