this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
