I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
