WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
