when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
