chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize