Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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