Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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