Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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