happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
