Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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