the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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