im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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