do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
