Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
