shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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