can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wish I only lived at night.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
