sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
