i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
