so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
