There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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