I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
